the artist way: possibility ✿ pt 5 field notes
i thought i needed more discipline. turns out, i just needed more permission.
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01 :: morning pages report
i continue to find that the morning pages unearth things from my brain and psyche i didn’t even know were there: sometimes im just writing words and i write things that surprise tf out of me!
when i first started week 5, i felt a bit disconnected from my ideas. a bit jumbled. chaotic? i was wrestling a bit with identity, life pivots, and wondering what might be next for me.
week 5: recovering a sense of possibility resonated so deeply with my life right now in a way that it hadn’t in past years… when i was still dead-set on people pleasing and being a doormat person. now that im set on pleasing myself instead - AKA having personal boundaries (and knowing that this does not make me selfish!) - i feel like this chapter felt reinvigorating for me.
i do remember writing “now that i’m set on actually allowing myself to be pleased / happy / nurtured; i feel like this chapter feels invigorating not selfish.”
something my journaling has helped me realize this week about people pleasing versus pleasing myself first? i can actually make myself happy, nourished, and energized. i can’t seem to promise “people pleasing” will have any of those effects on my intended audience… so why the fuck was i doing it? now that i’m set on being healthy and not toxic towards myself, i viewed the entire chapter differently. i was able to really connect with the text in a better way (after mentally deleting all the overtly religious copy, lol). i was able to really connect to my own sense of possibility.
the biggest epiphany moment i had in my morning pages this week? it was this exactly: “why am i rushing? why am i getting up early if i don’t have to?” which led to me deconstructing my early morning wake ups and discovering a hidden layer of survival mode time urgency hidden in my actions. insane.
“why am i rushing? why am i getting up so early?”
the realization hit me so hard because i realized how it’s interconnected. the getting up early wasn’t necessarily because i “was a morning person” if my body doesn’t feel like it has a choice one way or the other. like i DO like getting up early but i want it to feel like my choice.
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02 :: chapter tasks
a core chapter quote from Julia that i wrote down and has stayed with me:
“one reason we are miserly with ourselves is scarcity thinking.”
scarcity thinking in my own life looks like wanting rest but not allowing it. wanting possibility but demanding certainty first. wanting creative play but trying to justify it into a whole project before doing any of it.
week 5’s chapter tasks felt like they were all asking the same question from different angles:
what do i actually want?
the answers kept surprising me. write a book. publish zines. make digital snail mail. spend more time birding, running, wandering libraries, and making weird little art projects. and be even more of an 𝔲𝔫𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔡 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔬𝔰 𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝒽𝑜𝑒! basically: follow curiosity.
sometimes wondering if i will i be doing the same things in 10 years? what if i crave change? a softer life?
i realized this week i need more excuses to get myself outside and in nature. i’ve been ruminating on how i could make that happen.
but the deeper i got into the exercises, the more i realized the problem wasn’t a lack of ideas. it was permission. the biggest theme across all my answers was that i want a life that feels bigger than my computer. more observation, more play, more hobbies, more handmade things, more trust in my own discernment. less optimizing. less figuring everything out before i begin.
like, one prompt asked me to list ways i’m unnecessarily harsh or dismissive toward my creativity and my answers included:
“demanding to know what a project is for.”
“i make creativity earn its place by usefulness.”
“i assume i need permission before trusting my own interests.”
“i keep trying to turn creativity into a job.”
…well. damn. clarifying.
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03 :: artist date report
omg my artist date this week was going to a zine making class the day before father’s day.
this tiny little artist date was sure as heck an act in self-trust, lol. i wasn’t there long, but i’m glad i went. i discovered while the class itself may have been aimed at children, i think, i realized i think the center i was at hosted many classes all the time. and maybe a different one would be for me!
my solo zine workshop artist date taught me that trying new things is almost always going to be a good idea. it wasn’t perfect but i still went. i took cute photos. i made a zine for my dad. i tried something new.
i also spent all week in a dreamy state of project ideation: brainstorming digital mail, designing PDFs, dreaming up digital goodies, and following random ideas because they sounded fun… all for the future Nikki’s Digital Mail Club! ♥
birding, of course, remained a desire in my life, but i wasn’t able to get outside as much as i wanted to this past week. tbh i just wanted to sit in nature and create art. but it was hot in Texas (heat advisory), so i sufficed with doodling at my window in the air conditioning. i also briefly went out on a whim, in the rain lol, and delivered zines to my local free little libraries.
i noticed myself softening instead of forcing productivity. by going out in nature, birding, drawing outside, journaling by the dock. i just wanted in nature and did art i wanted to do.
but being out in nature and my morning birding walks definitely were the place where all my good ideas found me! it was the waiting that made the ideas come to me this week, though. curiosity found me things i felt called to act on (let’s leave God out of it 😘).
honestly the past few weeks are the most fun i’ve had in like 7+ years… yikes. not sure what to do with that.
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04 :: blurts & affirmations
blurt: i have to solve everything right now.
affirmation: “you don’t have to solve it today”
i could have cried??? the permission was all i needed, all i craved, all i desperately desired.
looking back, i noticed myself softening instead of forcing productivity when i began writing things in my morning pages like…
“i have hobbies and interests again.”
“i feel well rounded.”
“my mental health is better.”
talk about affirmative! 👍
evidence i’ve collected from my morning pages that my life is changing? the past 3 weeks have been the most fun i’ve had in like 7 years. suddenly my identity isn’t tied to only photography and it feels so fucking good. and i’ve begun questioning identities that have ruled my entire life for over 20 years. scary.
but i did realize that “doing the next honest action” inspires the ideas come to me. it’s easy. just be open to the inspiration all around you.
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05 :: symbols + synchronicity
possibility and birds continue showing up together for me because my best ideas kept arriving while i was outside… paying attention.
ideas that kept returning no matter how many times i set them aside were mail clubs, digital ephemera, zines, and that desperate craving for that almost analog-like internet nostalgia era.
an old idea unexpectedly returned in a new form this week? i had created a business tools box for Photographers in December 2025 and it didn’t get any interest, i ran it until March 2026 before retiring the idea. i was very upset by this. but now i realize Nikki’s Digital Mail Club is Biz Box’s final form. and i feel good about that.
when i stopped looking for signs and simply paid attention… the waiting made the ideas come to me.
for me, this week, possibility actually looked like in real life this week like…
walking the lake trail
planning Discernment Diary column.
writing in my journal/morning pages.
planning Hey Chat column.
writing for Month of Birds (→ turning into Summer of Birds!)
planning my Digital Mail Club.
creating/drawing handmade zines + doodles.
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06 :: the lesson
what i think “recovering a sense of possibility” means now that i lived it with a much more authentic take on the chapter’s thesis? i realized inspiration/possibility didn’t have to find me working, necessarily. it had to find me open, accepting, receiving.
i just want to create low pressure stupid art and not force my ideas. honestly the biggest takeaway is possibility arrives when i stop arguing with my-f*cking-self.
i'm here to create some f*cking art 😌
listening to week five of the artist’s way, i’m listening to Julia talk about how when artists don’t take solitude and time for themselves, we get snappy and hostile and aggressive and bitter. she’s just using pretty strong words, but i mean, i agree with it all, honestly. i think she’s a little heavy-handed there, but i think she’s just trying to illus…
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07 :: taking it with me
i have so many ideas planted this week! i feel like they are all seeds i want to keep watering, as i explore what life might be like without adopting 1 work identity as my entire identity, lol.
i am not pushing myself to have constant output anymore. i just want to make when i make and that be that.
⋆。°✩ journal prompts for you✩°。⋆
⋆。°✩ reflection questions from nikki ✩°。⋆
☆ what am I researching, planning, organizing, or optimizing instead of simply doing?
☆ what have I outgrown?
☆ what am I waiting for permission to do?
☆ what evidence have I collected lately that my creativity is alive and well?
⋆。°✩ youtube video ✩°。⋆
the video diary
i’m making the videos every 2 weeks now! tune in next week for the video!
Yesss love the idea about people pleasing --- when you explain it like that it literally makes no sense at all ahah. Great article as always:)
i bought this book a year ago because all my artist girlies recommend it and getting these posts from you has inspired me to pull it out and start working through it! love reading these. my main concern with the book is i heard it can get overly religious but its def something i can look past. ty for inspiring me !!